Do you ever get angry? Do you express your anger outwardly by exploding onto others, or inwardly by seething within yourself? Unfortunately, I get angry from time to time. Anger is something that we all have in common. Some of us are better at managing our anger than others, but all of us experience anger.
I recently listened to a health educator who began his speech with an outburst of bitterness, anger and hostility towards our country and its leaders. Ironically, this person then expounded upon the need for all of us to live healthy lifestyles so that we will not die from cardiac-related illnesses. I was appalled by the level of hostility and bitterness publicly gushing from a person elevated as a role model. This person seemed genuinely concerned about the health of the audience, but at the same time seemed oblivious to the negative health effects that deep-seated anger inflicts upon oneself and others.
Anger affects us all. It affects the educated and the uneducated, the religious and the irreligious, and people of all races and economic levels. With this in mind let’s explore a couple of insights that can help us begin to manage our anger.
In Ephesians 4:26-27 we read: “Be angry but do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not make room for the devil” (NRSV). Anger is an internal response to external events. It is natural to occasionally have this response, but it is vital that we deal with our anger response in a constructive way. This is why verse 26 says it is okay to be angry, but that we are not to sin as a result of that anger.
Lesslie Tizzard states that we get angry when someone or something prevents us from getting what we want. I have found this statement to be extremely accurate. Every time I feel angry, I try to identify why I got angry. Inevitably I will identify someone or something that was interfering with me getting what I wanted.
This is why we get angry so often. Someone or something is always beyond our personal control and messing up our dreams, goals, or desires! When someone or something gets in the way of what we want, we get angry. So I suggest to you that the next time you have an angry reaction, evaluate what thing you were trying to do that was thwarted and thereby made you angry.
Once we realize that we are angry, what set off our anger, and our self-gratification issue underlying it, we are still left with the responsibility to deal with our own anger in a constructive way. Constructive management of anger begins with not blaming others for our anger. Since the anger is my reaction to a situation, it is pointless to try to blame someone else for my reactions or feelings.
There are only two persons who can control our anger, and both of them need to be involved in the management of it. God can help you and me manage our anger, but He requires our participation as well. So, once you realize you are angry you must take responsibility for your own anger. It is not someone else’s fault. The anger is your response, after all, and you alone are responsible for your own reactions in a situation. Each of us must take personal responsibility for our own feelings, and then ask God to give us the power to properly manage them.
Furthermore we must do this immediately, i.e. “before the sun goes down.” If we do not deal with anger quickly, it can fester and become bitterness (a deep-seated state of mind where someone is permeated with anger that affects his or her entire perspective and life). Besides dealing with anger quickly, we must also choose to not let anger be expressed in a way that leads to sin, i.e., that is destructive to ourselves or others (cf. v. 27).
If you have already hurt someone in your anger, then ask that person to forgive you. Deal with your anger now. Don’t let the sun go down while you seethe in anger about something, or while another remains wounded from your angry outburst. Take personal responsibility, admit that what you did or said was inappropriate and wrong, and ask for forgiveness.
In the next article we will examine other insights that can help us to manage our anger. Until then, if you get angry, don’t allow it to hurt you or others! Ask God to help you manage it.
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
Managing Our Anger - 2
All of us have experiences of anger. All of us have the personal responsibility to manage our anger, and other emotions. They are our emotions, they reside inside of our personhood, and therefore it is indeed our responsibility to learn to guide their expression through appropriate healthy channels.
Some years ago, psychologist George Sanders gave an interesting illustration to explain how we can develop techniques to constructively manage anger. He compared anger to rain runoff flowing down the canyons of a mountain. Many incidents (rain-showers) come uninvitedly into our lives that can contribute to the flashfloods of anger that pour forth from our lives. While we may not be able to prevent rainfall (i.e., anger causing events), we can control where the runoff will go, and its rate of dispersion.
The way some of us deal with anger is similar to the way water runs off a mountain. Some people just take the “wilderness preservation” approach in anger management. This might also be called the “Popeye” method, expressed in his “I yam what I yam” philosophy. This is a fatalistic approach to life and anger. It purports that since anger happens naturally, we should just be let it flow out wherever and however it wants.
If a person lives as a hermit, this approach might work. A person who encounters no other people can just let the anger gush out like a raging flashflood, because there are no people around to get hurt. However, most of us live in relationship to others and we cannot just let our anger rage wherever or however it wills.
Another approach used is to dam up the anger. People who do this just bottle up their anger and never let it out. This seems to work for a while, but eventually too much anger will build up behind the dam, it will break, and once again people will be washed away in the ensuing onslaught. Furthermore, it is not psychologically or physically healthy to hold anger in indefinitely. Pent-up anger begins to poison our hearts and minds, which makes us bitter, gives us ulcers, high blood pressure, headaches, and even produces dental damage from teeth-grinding. It also makes us very unpleasant people to live around.
James 1:19-20 admonishes: “…Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires” (NIV). We should listen well, think twice before we speak, and manage our anger so that it flows out under control. This admonition is for everyone. We each need to take personal responsibility for how we personally manage our own anger, because expressing anger inappropriately does not accomplish God’s will, and hurts others.
Like rain runoff down a mountain, we all have well-used channels through which our anger normally flows. If these channels are channels that prevent the anger from hurting others or ourselves, then we should encourage the anger to flow out through those channels. Some examples of healthy channels include: physical exercise, releasing our anger and the situation to God’s control through prayer, listening to soothing music, walking around the block until we cool off, etc.
If our normal approach lets anger gush out too quickly, or if we dam it up and hold it inside, then we need to create some new channels through which our anger can flow out of our inner being. Why not take some time to discover some non-destructive ways you can dispose of your anger without hurting yourself or others? Choose to use those channels the next time you get angry.
While anger occurs in us all, we are still responsible for how we allow it to come out of us and to impact others. Each of us should work on ways to reduce our need to get angry, and develop healthy ways to deal with anger when it occurs. Since anger is closely associated with a thwarted self-driven agenda, anger’s frequency and destructiveness in Christians should diminish as we learn to fulfill God’s will for our lives. As we live to please God rather than self, and live under the power of His Holy Spirit, God can give us the power to manage ours responses to anger when it does occur.
Controlling our anger is not an easy thing, does not happen overnight, and requires lots of conscious effort and practice. However improvement can be achieved. May God give each of us the grace and pragmatic power to make progress in this important area of life.
Some years ago, psychologist George Sanders gave an interesting illustration to explain how we can develop techniques to constructively manage anger. He compared anger to rain runoff flowing down the canyons of a mountain. Many incidents (rain-showers) come uninvitedly into our lives that can contribute to the flashfloods of anger that pour forth from our lives. While we may not be able to prevent rainfall (i.e., anger causing events), we can control where the runoff will go, and its rate of dispersion.
The way some of us deal with anger is similar to the way water runs off a mountain. Some people just take the “wilderness preservation” approach in anger management. This might also be called the “Popeye” method, expressed in his “I yam what I yam” philosophy. This is a fatalistic approach to life and anger. It purports that since anger happens naturally, we should just be let it flow out wherever and however it wants.
If a person lives as a hermit, this approach might work. A person who encounters no other people can just let the anger gush out like a raging flashflood, because there are no people around to get hurt. However, most of us live in relationship to others and we cannot just let our anger rage wherever or however it wills.
Another approach used is to dam up the anger. People who do this just bottle up their anger and never let it out. This seems to work for a while, but eventually too much anger will build up behind the dam, it will break, and once again people will be washed away in the ensuing onslaught. Furthermore, it is not psychologically or physically healthy to hold anger in indefinitely. Pent-up anger begins to poison our hearts and minds, which makes us bitter, gives us ulcers, high blood pressure, headaches, and even produces dental damage from teeth-grinding. It also makes us very unpleasant people to live around.
James 1:19-20 admonishes: “…Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires” (NIV). We should listen well, think twice before we speak, and manage our anger so that it flows out under control. This admonition is for everyone. We each need to take personal responsibility for how we personally manage our own anger, because expressing anger inappropriately does not accomplish God’s will, and hurts others.
Like rain runoff down a mountain, we all have well-used channels through which our anger normally flows. If these channels are channels that prevent the anger from hurting others or ourselves, then we should encourage the anger to flow out through those channels. Some examples of healthy channels include: physical exercise, releasing our anger and the situation to God’s control through prayer, listening to soothing music, walking around the block until we cool off, etc.
If our normal approach lets anger gush out too quickly, or if we dam it up and hold it inside, then we need to create some new channels through which our anger can flow out of our inner being. Why not take some time to discover some non-destructive ways you can dispose of your anger without hurting yourself or others? Choose to use those channels the next time you get angry.
While anger occurs in us all, we are still responsible for how we allow it to come out of us and to impact others. Each of us should work on ways to reduce our need to get angry, and develop healthy ways to deal with anger when it occurs. Since anger is closely associated with a thwarted self-driven agenda, anger’s frequency and destructiveness in Christians should diminish as we learn to fulfill God’s will for our lives. As we live to please God rather than self, and live under the power of His Holy Spirit, God can give us the power to manage ours responses to anger when it does occur.
Controlling our anger is not an easy thing, does not happen overnight, and requires lots of conscious effort and practice. However improvement can be achieved. May God give each of us the grace and pragmatic power to make progress in this important area of life.
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