Managing Our Anger –1

Do you ever get angry? Do you express your anger outwardly by exploding onto others, or inwardly by seething within yourself? Unfortunately, I get angry from time to time. Anger is something that we all have in common. Some of us are better at managing our anger than others, but all of us experience anger.

I recently listened to a health educator who began his speech with an outburst of bitterness, anger and hostility towards our country and its leaders. Ironically, this person then expounded upon the need for all of us to live healthy lifestyles so that we will not die from cardiac-related illnesses. I was appalled by the level of hostility and bitterness publicly gushing from a person elevated as a role model. This person seemed genuinely concerned about the health of the audience, but at the same time seemed oblivious to the negative health effects that deep-seated anger inflicts upon oneself and others.

Anger affects us all. It affects the educated and the uneducated, the religious and the irreligious, and people of all races and economic levels. With this in mind let’s explore a couple of insights that can help us begin to manage our anger.

In Ephesians 4:26-27 we read: “Be angry but do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not make room for the devil” (NRSV). Anger is an internal response to external events. It is natural to occasionally have this response, but it is vital that we deal with our anger response in a constructive way. This is why verse 26 says it is okay to be angry, but that we are not to sin as a result of that anger.

Lesslie Tizzard states that we get angry when someone or something prevents us from getting what we want. I have found this statement to be extremely accurate. Every time I feel angry, I try to identify why I got angry. Inevitably I will identify someone or something that was interfering with me getting what I wanted.

This is why we get angry so often. Someone or something is always beyond our personal control and messing up our dreams, goals, or desires! When someone or something gets in the way of what we want, we get angry. So I suggest to you that the next time you have an angry reaction, evaluate what thing you were trying to do that was thwarted and thereby made you angry.

Once we realize that we are angry, what set off our anger, and our self-gratification issue underlying it, we are still left with the responsibility to deal with our own anger in a constructive way. Constructive management of anger begins with not blaming others for our anger. Since the anger is my reaction to a situation, it is pointless to try to blame someone else for my reactions or feelings.

There are only two persons who can control our anger, and both of them need to be involved in the management of it. God can help you and me manage our anger, but He requires our participation as well. So, once you realize you are angry you must take responsibility for your own anger. It is not someone else’s fault. The anger is your response, after all, and you alone are responsible for your own reactions in a situation. Each of us must take personal responsibility for our own feelings, and then ask God to give us the power to properly manage them.

Furthermore we must do this immediately, i.e. “before the sun goes down.” If we do not deal with anger quickly, it can fester and become bitterness (a deep-seated state of mind where someone is permeated with anger that affects his or her entire perspective and life). Besides dealing with anger quickly, we must also choose to not let anger be expressed in a way that leads to sin, i.e., that is destructive to ourselves or others (cf. v. 27).

If you have already hurt someone in your anger, then ask that person to forgive you. Deal with your anger now. Don’t let the sun go down while you seethe in anger about something, or while another remains wounded from your angry outburst. Take personal responsibility, admit that what you did or said was inappropriate and wrong, and ask for forgiveness.

In the next article we will examine other insights that can help us to manage our anger. Until then, if you get angry, don’t allow it to hurt you or others! Ask God to help you manage it.